Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Why Girls Inevitably Win the Bracket Pool


Selection Sunday for 2012 NCAA Men’s Basketball marked the start of the 68 team wildest, craziest, free-for-all tournament in sports. Time to print out your bracket and make your picks, because the entire nation is separating off into independent bracket groups to see who can choose the right teams. Men know what to do: $5 buy-in winner takes all, “I’m in!” Women on the other hand, are a little more hesitant, but without fail, every bracket pool has a woman who chooses to join. The explanation for why these girls continually to perform well in bracket contests has been a mystery, only answerable by Rob up Front. Some would say that women are just smarter than guys, and therefore can make better picks. As someone who was a strong advocate of the “Boys are Better than Girls” campaign in first grade, I want to look for a deeper explanation.   

1. March is Women’s History Month
Could it be possible that it is simply the right time of year for women? In the midst of honoring women idols such as Harriet Tubman and Eleanor Roosevelt, women can access an inner power unreachable by even the best sports analysts. Ask yourself who Susan B Anthony would pick: Gonzaga or West Virginia. Susan would say to pick the 10th seeded WVU over the 7th seeded Zags, because WVU had a much greater strength of schedule in the Big East Conference, making them a stronger more battle tested team. Yeah… that’s what Susan would say.   

2. Child Birth
The fact that every human on earth is (for the most part) born from a woman, gives them an incredible advantage. Imagine how much sports sense Dick Vitale’s mother acquired through osmosis while holding Vitale in her uterus. When she looks at a possible 2nd round matchup between Memphis and Michigan State, she feels a deep uneasiness in her soul for Michigan State, and picks an unlikely Memphis team to win.

3. A Large Scale ESPN Conspiracy
Between now and Thursday of this week, ESPN will be having a field day filled with March Madness, who’s hot- who’s not, Cinderella slipping, championship crowning talk. What does it lead to? Why are ESPN basketball “analysts” continually wrong, year after year? Did Hubert Davis pick Purdue to make the Final Four last year because he is that stupid? Nope. Rather, ESPN has concocted a conspiracy to drag down men. When most of us guys say that we are going to do bracket research that is code for us going into the living room and watching Sportscenter. Imagine how much joy ESPN gets from controlling picks and continually leading men to bracket destruction. The fact that women have been able to escape the ESPN influence makes them able to make better independent picks.

                No matter what explanation is true, I wish you all a happy March Madness, and a warning to watch out for the girls in your bracket pool, because they're probably packing an undetectable team picking secret. 

1 comment:

  1. 1. Even your attempt to claim what a woman might say about a certain match-up failed, i.e. memphis and wvu both lost... :) Maybe its like that Bible passage where no one knows the day or hour that Jesus will return, but no man knows the upset that will happen. Since if someone says they know if Jesus is coming back today, you can obviously know that He's not, otherwise the Bible would be wrong. So too, when a man knows an upset will happen, its obvious it won't because then he'd be right.

    2. Maybe the successful woman bracketeers just stick out more because they have been so heavily undermined by the men in their pool. So when they show signs of success they become the vocal minority... like msu fans. For every successful female bracket, there's probably a hundred males with the same success...

    3. My best bracket is ranked 7,989th on CBS! with 25 right picks!

    4. love you.

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