Why Girls Inevitably Win the Bracket Pool

Selection Sunday for 2012 NCAA Men’s Basketball marked the start of the 68 team wildest, craziest, free-for-all tournament in sports. Time to print out your bracket and make your picks, because the entire nation is separating off into independent bracket groups to see who can choose the right teams. Men know what to do: $5 buy-in winner takes all, “I’m in!” Women on the other hand, are a little more hesitant, but without fail, every bracket pool has a woman who chooses to join. The explanation for why these girls continually to perform well in bracket contests has been a mystery, only answerable by Rob up Front. Some would say that women are just smarter than guys, and therefore can make better picks. As someone who was a strong advocate of the “Boys are Better than Girls” campaign in first grade, I want to look for a deeper explanation.   

1. March is Women’s History Month

Could it be possible that it is simply the right time of year for women? In the midst of honoring women idols such as Harriet Tubman and Eleanor Roosevelt, women can access an inner power unreachable by even the best sports analysts. Ask yourself who Susan B Anthony would pick: Gonzaga or West Virginia. Susan would say to pick the 10^th seeded WVU over the 7th seeded Zags, because WVU had a much greater strength of schedule in the Big East Conference, making them a stronger more battle tested team. Yeah… that’s what Susan would say.   

2. Child Birth

The fact that every human on earth is (for the most part) born from a woman, gives them an incredible advantage. Imagine how much sports sense Dick Vitale’s mother acquired through osmosis while holding Vitale in her uterus. When she looks at a possible 2^nd round matchup between Memphis and Michigan State, she feels a deep uneasiness in her soul for Michigan State, and picks an unlikely Memphis team to win.

3. A Large Scale ESPN Conspiracy

Between now and Thursday of this week, ESPN will be having a field day filled with March Madness, who’s hot- who’s not, Cinderella slipping, championship crowning talk. What does it lead to? Why are ESPN basketball “analysts” continually wrong, year after year? Did Hubert Davis pick Purdue to make the Final Four last year because he is that stupid? Nope. Rather, ESPN has concocted a conspiracy to drag down men. When most of us guys say that we are going to do bracket research that is code for us going into the living room and watching Sportscenter. Imagine how much joy ESPN gets from controlling picks and continually leading men to bracket destruction. The fact that women have been able to escape the ESPN influence makes them able to make better independent picks.

                No matter what explanation is true, I wish you all a happy March Madness, and a warning to watch out for the girls in your bracket pool, because they're probably packing an undetectable team picking secret. 

Old People

                If any of you have been to Florida before, you’ll know what I am talking about when I say it’s full of old people.  You can find them in groups power walking down the side walk, doing water aerobics in the pool, or perhaps sitting at their desks waiting for their dial up internet to connect. Many of my friends and family characterize me as an, “old soul,” which has been an overused title as of late, but I guarantee you I am the old soul of old souls. I would rather spend an afternoon playing a nice game of pinochle over video games. Sometimes I wear a Hawaiian shirt, just for heck’s sake, and my favorite brand of shoes is New Balance.  This summer, I started antiquing, and my collection includes a 1940’s Mobilgas map of Michigan roads and highways, which I plan on framing when I get the time. Right now, assuming my loyal blog audience is almost entirely made of young people, because I post my link on Facebook I will be the liaison for the young to the old.

               It is important to remember the contributions the GI Generation made to America. Born between the years of 1909 and 1924, most members of this generation faced the Great Depression during their childhood. Some of you have grandparents with basements full of what seems to be useless stuff--endless spools of yarn, a collections of 500 records, or old lamps that clearly will never be used again. Members of the GI Generation have been taught to keep everything, because when they were young, they owned very little. When they were coming of age in the 1940’s, members of the GI Generation were sent overseas to fight in World War II, which is another reason why they are the best. As young teenagers and early adults they took the fate of America on their shoulders, and played a major role in winning the war. Sometimes I feel insignificant compared to our elders, because by the time they were my age they had survived the Great Depression and won a world war, no biggie.

               I believe that these early life hardships molded and refined members of the GI Generation giving them the best work ethic of any generation in the US. Evidence of this can be seen everywhere, from the highways we drive on to the business strategies still used today. Therefore, hold this generation with the upmost respect. When they start to tell stories, listen. When they give you advice, follow it. When they are shuffling into Meijer the least you can do is open the door for them. And the next time you are stuck behind one of them in a Cadillac Deville, take some time to slow down and remember how they pretty much built modern America.